She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
