my vag is so smooth its legendary
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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