Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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