Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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