This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
