Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize