rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize