hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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