just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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