One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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