great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
