I heard we made out
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Randomize
