I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
