She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
