Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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