4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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