I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Randomize
