so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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