i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
