Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
