I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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