I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
