How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I intend to get homeless drunk
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
