I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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