Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
