dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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