and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Randomize
