I hate your face
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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