Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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