Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
