Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
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