Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
