A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Randomize
