Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
