How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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