just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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