3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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