So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
