Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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