At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
you never un-have a 4some
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
