the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Randomize
