I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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