i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
