I heard we made out
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
