What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
