You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
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