What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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