What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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