you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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