is your mom at the bar?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
