Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
