not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
