dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
