apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
