Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
