Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
