She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
