question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
