Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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