Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
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