i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Holy shit dude........stairs
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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