just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Hippo gnu deer
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
