God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
We got so high we made milksteak
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
