He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I just gargled with NyQuil
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
