You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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