Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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