how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize