$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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