You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
