dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
