If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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