I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Randomize
