I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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