I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
