If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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