how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
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