my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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