I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
