My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
