I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Do vagina's smell?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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