What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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