i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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