lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
