Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
