you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
