why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
