I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I just blew my weed a kiss
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Randomize
