Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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