Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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